Marriage is intended to be a source of joy, companionship, and love. Being God’s idea, we expect marriage to solve our sadness, loneliness, or fulfillment. Initially, the spark of excitement, curiosity, and joy defines the union.
But what happens when the joy fades? Many couples start to wonder if God truly intended for them to remain in a marriage that feels more burdensome than blissful. The vows they exchanged now feel like empty echoes of a promise they no longer believe in.
Modern Day Marriage
In today’s culture, truth is seen as relative, our emotions drive decisions, and relationships can sometimes feel transactional. When this kind of mentality creeps into the marriage, the focus shifts from covenant commitment to a list of personal expectations.
Instead of adopting God’s greater purpose for marriage, couples begin to assess their marriage based on what the spouse can provide, how they meet each other’s needs, and how they make each other feel. So the question remains: what does God want for us in marriage?
Let’s look into some biblical truths and practical insights on how to find purpose in marriage, how to understand God’s design for relationships, and the steps we can take when faced with the challenges of an unhappy union.
Happiness Is Not the Goal of Marriage—Holiness Is
“ But as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, “Be holy, for I am holy.” – 1 Peter 1:15-16
God’s ultimate aim for us is not temporal happiness but eternal holiness. As the verse above reminds us, we have been called to be holy as God is holy. Marriage purifies us; it teaches us patience, sacrifice, and love that mirrors Christ’s love for the Church.
Marriage Reflects God’s Covenant Love
As illustrated in Ephesians 5, marriage should reflect God’s immovable covenant with His people. Just as God is faithful to us despite our shortcomings, He calls us similarly to model that same steadfast love in marriage, especially during tough times.
Understanding God’s Design for Marriage
Marriage is more than a romantic partnership; it is a vocation. Its mission is to embody God’s infinite love in a faithful, lifelong communion. In this light, marriage can be viewed not as self-centered but as Christ-centered.
Unhappy Doesn’t Mean Hopeless
An unhappy season in marriage does not mean things can’t be fixed. God regularly uses those difficulties and turns them into times of growth, healing, and deeper connection. Perhaps feeling dissatisfied in a marriage signals that certain aspects need to be addressed and improved.
Unrealistic Expectations are Hazardous
Cultural narratives often set us up for disappointment as they promote transactional, feelings-based views of marriage. When we view our spouse as a partner in growth, not as a source of unending happiness, we cultivate a healthier, resilient relationship.
The Liberating Power of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a necessary ingredient in marriage. Resentment deepens the disconnection between two people, while in forgiving and seeking forgiveness, we align ourselves with God’s redemptive heart, making room for a new beginning in reconciliation.
Finding Joy in God, Not Just in Marriage
When we enter marriage, we might unintentionally expect our spouse to fulfill needs that only God can truly meet. This sets the stage for disappointment because no human can satisfy the deepest longings of our hearts. Psalm 16:11 reminds us that true joy is found in God’s presence. The more we develop a healthy relationship with God, the more capacity we will have to love our spouse selflessly.
Addressing the Root Causes of Unhappiness
Miscommunication, unmet expectations, and financial burdens are often the causes of marital dissatisfaction. Instead of giving up, couples can try to work toward identifying and dealing with these problems while growing and learning together.
Prayer – A Foundation for Transformation
Prayer is also one of the most powerful ways to effect healing and change. When you pray for your spouse and for your marriage, you invite God into all the difficult areas you’re working to understand and navigate. Ask God for His wisdom, guidance, and peace.
Biblical Boundaries for Marital Struggles
The Bible clearly distinguishes unhappy marriages from those involving abuse or infidelity. While God calls us to perseverance, He does call His children to safety and dignity: never to be abused or treated as less than His Person in marriage. Abuse of any kind is never part of His design for marriage.
Building Healthy Communication and Connection
Communication can bring back the lost warmth in a marriage. Simple habits such as active listening, appreciating each other, and humbly working out fights will open ways to a deeper level of connection and understanding.
Rediscovering God’s Purpose for Your Marriage
This relationship of growth, love, and sanctification is intended to be an ever-evolving and maturing union established by God. By refocusing on His purpose and inviting Him into your heart, you can experience renewed joy and closeness, even during the most challenging times.
What to Do When You’re in an Unhappy Marriage
If you are facing an unhappy marriage, here are some actionable steps to take in pursuit of healing:
Take a personal inventory of what you may need to learn or change. Pray for wisdom and the ability to understand His will toward your marriage. Seek support from a Christian therapist for counseling, as deeper issues need to be shared. Dwell on the positives, list qualities you admire in your spouse, and let him/her know how much you appreciate them. Communicate openly and solve problems lovingly and respectfully, which will bridge rather than build walls. Commit to growing together. Consider struggles as opportunities for personal and relational development.
Finding Delight in God’s Plan
“A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12
God does not want you to remain in misery; instead, He seeks to bring you closer to Him and to each other through the challenges you face in your marriage. By embracing these trials and focusing on His purpose for you, you can discover a deeper connection with your spouse and experience renewed joy as you seek to heal together.
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Susan is a mother of four beautiful babies and a born-again Christian. She took over Hope No Matter What in 2024 and enjoys sharing her knowledge of the goodness and faithfulness of God. Her passion is to bring hope and encouragement to others, and she prays that by sharing her knowledge and personal story, she can inspire others to find enlightenment in God's word.